The PenPen Chronicles
by Kaworu Naha ga bisa
Summary: Made by Adam Friedman, saved from obscurity by me via webarchive. Crazy Fanfic with Pen-Pen as an EVA pilot. One of the angel was Ritsuko's cat. Nuff said. Incomplete.
1. Chapter 1

The PenPen Chronicles, Episode 0:1: PenPen to the Rescue

By Adam Friedman

Email Me at GodzillaXY

DISCLAIMER: Neon Genesis Evangelion and all of it's characters are owned by Gainax and not me.

Anyway, there aren't any spoilers, unless you aren't up to the part where Asuka joins the crew. I wrote this story because I think PenPen deserves a bigger role. PenPen, of course, is the lovable penguin who lives with Misato. But don't worry, the whole series is not just about PenPen. This is part one in a series of I don't know how many. So enough with the chit chat, now I present, "PenPen to the Rescue".

The sounds of yelling were coming from Misato's apartment in Tokyo-3.

"What!?", yelled Asuka furiously, "Why can't I take a short vacation to Germany! It's Oktoberfest, I've gone to every single one since I can remember!"

"We need to have all EVA pilots at NERV right now. The next angel can attack at any second!", replied Misato firmly.

"You let Shinji go to that resort for the weekend!"

"That wasn't a resort! That was the NERV hospital! And he wouldn't have had to go there if it wasn't for you attacking him!"

"He had it coming to him! I was only defending myself. He was trying to feel me up!"

"He was turned the other way! You kicked him in the back!"

"Details, details, details…"

The phone rang. Misato picked it up to answer. "Hello?", she said into the phone.

Her face looked confused as she listened to the voice on the other line. She held the receiver away from her face and called, "PenPen, it's for you?"

PenPen came out of his room. Misato bent over to hand it to him. PenPen began squawking happily into the phone as he went back into his room and closed the door.

Misato and Asuka just stood their with confused looks on their faces.

A little bit later at NERV headquarters, the three children were preparing for a test. Misato was briefing them. "Today we are testing the AJF780, a new vehicle that you may have to use someday.", she explained.

"Why would we fight in this hunk of junk when we have our EVA's?", said Asuka.

"These aren't combat vehicles. They are to be used to escape in case of an emergency. You are too important to risk, since you may be mankinds only hope.", said Misato.

"No way am I leaving my unit 2 here!", yelled Asuka, "If it's going down, I'm going down with it!"

"This is only for extreme emergencies where the EVA's are either destroyed or rendered useless. We can always try to build more EVA's. Finding pilots is harder."

Shinji, Rei, and Asuka were sitting in the cockpit of the AJF780. The vehicle was about the height of a onestory building and about as long as a fighter jet. Asuka was in the pilot seat while Rei and Shinji were behind her. Misato's voice came on over the intercom. "You will be launched directly into Tokyo-3. Please get out of the metropolitan area first thing, so you can have more room to practice maneuverability.", Misato said "When you are ready to switch pilots, remember to put it on hover mode. Ready Asuka?"

"Ready as I'll ever be! Let's rock and ride!", she said into the intercom.

An electronic voice said, "Opening departure gates in 5…4…3…2…1…We are ready to…"

Before the voice could finish it's sentence, the ship blasted off up through the tunnel and into Tokyo-3. "Yeehaw!", yelled Asuka, "Now that's what I call a rush!"

"Asuka, are you sure you're supposed to be going that fast? You might hit a building…or worse!", said Shinji.

"Stop worrying! You worry to much. Just hang on and enjoy the ride!", Asuka said, "You never see Rei worrying. How you doing back there, Rei?"

"I am well, ma'am.", Rei replied quietly.

"See? Happy as a clam!", Asuka said, "Hey, check this out!"

Asuka did a loop with the AJF780.

"I think I'm going to vomit…", said Shinji, who was turning green.

"Just not in here buddy!", said Asuka, "Hey, aren't those your little buddies down there?"

Touji and Kensuke were eating lunch at a ramen stand. Kensuke looked up and saw the ship, causing him to spit noodles on Touji. "Kensuke, you better have a good explanation for this.", said Touji, covered in ramen noodles.

"Lo-Lo-Look behind you!", Kensuke yelled.

"I'm not falling for your jokes this easily."

"No! I'm serious! There's some kind of huge hovercraft right behind you!"

"Yeah right, and Rei Ayanami was voted best personality."

"And it looks like Asuka is sticking her head out the window!"

Touji, angrily grabbed Kensuke's collar and pulled him across the table. "You little liar," Touji said, "I wouldn't believe you even if I heard her say…"

"Hey fellas!", Asuka yelled from the hovercraft, "Wanna go for a ride?"

Touji almost fainted with surprise. "I'll lower the entry port for you!", Asuka called back down to them.

Back in the cockpit, Misato's voice reappeared on the intercom. "Asuka, what are you thinking!? You can't let hitchhikers on an official NERV vehicle!"

"It was all Shinji's idea, they're his friends!", Asuka replied.

"What!?", said a shocked Shinji.

"Now where's the intercom off switch?", Asuka said.

"Now listen young lady, the AJF780 has a tracking device, we'll find you no matter what!", Misato yelled angrily, "And further more…"

Asuka flipped the intercom off switch. Touji and Kensuke climbed into the cockpit. Kensuke was excitedly scanning the cockpit with his video camera. "Hey Shinji! Thanks for inviting us for the ride!", said Touji.

"I didn't invite you! In fact, I insist we turn around and go back to NERV before we get in even bigger trouble!", Shinji said, annoyed at Asuka.

Asuka flipped the tracking system switch to off. "Calm down third child! We'll return the ship in one piece! Oktoberfest here we come!", Asuka said, as they zoomed off out of Tokyo-3.

Misato sat by her desk with her head in her hands. Ritsuko approached to comfort her. "It was beyond your control. There was nothing you could do.", said Ritsuko.

"You're just trying to be nice. I failed miserably. Asuka I should have expected this from, but Shinji?", said Misato, "Maybe I was too mean to Asuka before. Now they've run away and it's all my fault. What if an angel attacks now? We'd be hopeless."

"Don't worry, I'm sure they'll be back real soon and we can all forget this ever happened. This is her way of rebelling. She just needs a little bit to cool off. In fact, I remember a pair of lovebirds who ran away together for a whole week…"

"That was totally different! I didn't know any better back then. And I don't think this is the best time to bring up Kagi"

"Did I hear my name mentioned?", said Kagi, as if he had popped up from nowhere, "My, my you 2 look lovely. How about a menage a trois?"

"How about you leave and have a menage a une!", said an irritated Misato.

"Touche, mon amour.", replied Kagi, "Say Misato, doesn't this remind you of something?"

"Listen you pig headed idiot, you tricked me into running away with you! I was young and naïve!"

"Oh you wanted it bad, baby."

"I did not!"

"And I think you want some right now…"

"Do you have a death wish you ignorant, lying, sack of…"

"I think I'll leave you 2 alone now," said Ritsuko, giggling as she walked away.

Meanwhile back on the AJF780, which was flying somewhere over the ocean, Asuka was singing "Fly Me to the Moon", while Shinji, Touji, and Kensuke held their fingers in their ears. "Are you sure you know where you're going?", said Shinji.

"I only lived there for the first 13 years of my life! All we need to do is find Europe and Germany will be a snap!", said Asuka, "Don't you have faith in me?"

"To tell the truth not really!", said Shinji.

"That makes 2 of us!", added in Touji.

"What about you Kensuke?", asked Asuka. After not getting a response, whe repeated her question.

"Where's Kensuke?", she finally asked, confused.

"Hey guys! This shot's going to be awesome!", yelled Kensuke, who was hanging halfway out the window filming the ocean.

Shinji and Touji immediately jumped up to help Kensuke out of the window. But Rei didn't move. She looked scared. "I have a bad feeling," said Rei.

"Why do you have to always be so negative? A bad feeling about what?", said Asuka.

"I don't know.", she replied, almost in a whisper.

Meanwhile, workers back in Japan were busy drilling into the Earth in a spot in the woods not too far from Tokyo-3. The foreman was looking at a blueprint. "Hey Sami!", he called to his assistant, "Get over here!"

"Yes boss?", said Sami, who was next to his boss almost immedietly.

"Do you have any idea what this is? Look at these blue prints."

"I haven't the slightest idea. It's supposed to be top secret."

"Well go fetch me the guy who is hiring us. I want to have a word with him."

Sami ran off. The foreman was still pondering the blueprints. Sami soon returned with Dr. Ikari. "What exactly are we building here?", asked the foreman.

"That information is classified," replied Dr. Ikari, "I need to be leaving right now, I have important work to do."

Suddenly, they heard a rumbling, and then felt the ground begin to shake. All the workers froze as it got more intense. "What the hell is that?" said the foreman loudly.

Dr. Ikari began running away as fast as he could. As he ran, he took out his cell phone and pressed auto dial. "This is Ikari," he said into the phone, "We have an angel attack by the NERV Headquarters II construction sight. Send all EVA units available ASAP!"

A huge angel pooped up from the ground. It was about the size of 2 EVAs. It had a huge eye that took up most of it's head, and 2 huge tentacles that took the place of it's arms. It's chest appeared to be one giant mouth , full of sharp teeth. Workers were running in panic. Ikari dropped his cell phone in panic and dashed towards his helicopter.

As Ikari got into his helicopter, he saw the angel grab a huge crane and squash it with it's tentacle. The foreman ran up to the helicopter door. "I beg, you please, let me in! Let me in!", cried the foreman.

Ikari slammed the door shut and the helicopter took off, leaving the foreman behind.

Back at NERV, the red alert signal was blaring. Misato was on the phone yelling at the Navy. "What do you mean you can't find them?!", yelled Misato, "They have to be somewhere! I told you, the ship can block radar! I don't care how you find them, just find them!"

Misato slammed down the phone. A technician ran up to her. "Misato! Misato!", he said, "What are we going to do?"

"Pray", she said quietly.

Meanwhile in Misato's apartment, PenPen was bathing in the bath tub along with 2 beautiful women. He was sipping a glass of champagne, as the deep sounds of Barry White played in the background. "Oh PenPen, you are the greatest. You're not like all the other guys. You know how to satisfy a woman in ways that other men can't."

PenPen let out a squawk. Then, the phone rang. After a few more rings, the answering machine came on. "Asuka! Shinji!", Misato said over the answering machine, "This is Misato! If you are hiding out here, report to NERV immediately! There is an angel attack! Hurry!"

PenPen, hearing that the message was over, jumped out of the bathtub and rubbed himself dry with a towel. "PenPen, come back in, the water's warm.", said one of the women.

PenPen strapped on his rocket pack, walked to the window and launched off. The women stayed in the tub, obviously disappointed.

Back in the AJF780, Asuka was flying with one hand and reading a map with the other.

"So, are we in Germany yet?", joked Touji.

"I think we might be possible almost there," replied Asuka.

"Well we better be, for it looks like we're out of fuel!", said Shinji, pointing to the empty fuel meter.

"Dammit!", yelled Asuka, "What are we going to do now?"

"I don't know, this was your crazy idea, Captain Asuka!", yelled back Shinji.

"Land ho!", said Kensuke, looking out of the window, "I see some sort of city at 9 o'clock!"

"Then that's where we're going!", said Asuka, and began shifting towards the city.

As they came closer, they realized the city was much bigger than they imagined. "Hey, what's that big statue?" asked Shinji.

"That looks like the Statue of Liberty. It was destroyed in the second impact and then rebuilt. That means that we must be in New York City!", said Asuka.

"I think we might not make it!", said Kensuke.

Their altitude was decreasing rapidly. "What are we going to do!", yelled Asuka in panic.

"All I can say is I hope you like water!", said Kensuke.

The ship crashed into the water, making a huge splash.

Back at NERV, Misato was pacing back and forth. Ritsuko walked up to her. "The angel has reached Tokyo-3. Should we abandon headquarters?", Ritsuko asked.

"It looks like we have no other choice," said Misato.

Then, she felt a tugging at her dress. She looked down to see PenPen.

"How did you get in here? You know you aren't supposed to be here.", she asked surprised to see him here.

PenPen began squawking and flapping his wings around excitedly. "Cancel the evacuation," Misato said, "We have a pilot!"

"You can't be serious! A penguin can't pilot an EVA!", said Ritsuko, "We tested PenPen back when we first started the project and he couldn't synchronize!"

"If you don't remember, the first few times we tested Rei, she wouldn't synchronize either! Besides, doesn't PenPen have the same thing in common that Rei, Shinji, and Asuka have? There's no reason why he can't pilot an EVA."

"This is crazy!"

"But it's crazy enough to work…"

Meanwhile, the angel was working his way through the city. Some of the buildings were stuck halfway through while lowering into the ground. The angel smashed them with his tentacles. A gun raised from the ground and began firing, so the angel smashed the gun to pieces with ease.

Back underground, PenPen was being inserted into Unit 1. Misato stood by the window, waiting to his if he'd synchronize correctly. "He synchronizes!", said the surprised technician, "Nowhere near as good as the regular pilots, but he can operate it much better than the average person."

"We are ready to launch," said Misato.

On the surface, an emergency van was driving around blaring, "Evacuate the area! Evacuate the area! We have an emergency situation!"

As the van turned the corner, it came face to face with the angel. The van began to back up as fast as it could but the angel was in hot pursuit. The angel's tentacle was just about to get the van, when it was distracted by gunshots to it's back. It was PenPen in Unit 1!

The angel turned around and began charging at Unit 1 furiously, but it leaped over the reach of the huge tentacles. As it landed behind the angel, the EVA drew it's sword, and stabbed the angels back.

The angel roared with pain, and reached behind itself with a tentacle and grabbed the EVA and swung it back around. It launched the EVA as far away as it could and then charged at it to finish it off. As it approached the fallen EVA, it lashed at it with a tentacle, that the EVA sliced off with it's sword.

The angel writhed around in pain, but not for long as it soon grabbed hold of the EVA with it's other tentacle and swallowed most of it, crunching on it with it's huge fangs. The power supply was suddenly disconnected, and only a minute of power was left!

Suddenly, the EVA's fist punched through the back of the angel, and leaped out soaked with yellowish saliva. As the angel lay there on it's back, the EVA flew at with it's sword in hand. It swiftly dodged the deadly tentacle, and lunged it's sword into the eye of the beast, triggering a gigantic explosion.

As the smoke cleared the EVA walked away triumphant, until it collapsed from power loss.

Back in NERV, everyone was celebrating the success. "PenPen's a hero!", yelled Misato proudly. They all watched on the moniter as PenPen got out of the EVA and let out a squawk. Everyone cheered excitedly.

Meanwhile, was in the hologram meeting room, speaking to the board.

"You let a penguin pilot an EVA!?", one of the men yelled at Ikari loudly, "What have you been smoking?!"

"That wasn't a penguin. Let me introduce you to…the fourth child.", said Ikari.

"That's a lie and you know it!", yelled the man angrily.

"He destroyed the EVA, isn't that enough?"

"You win this round Ikari, but next time you'll be sorry."

The holograms all disappeared. "Dick," said Ikari to himself.

The hologram of the man appeared again, "I heard that!"

Meanwhile, Shinji, Asuka, Rei, Kensuke, and Touji were climbing out of the water onto a dock. "What now Captain?", said Shinji to Asuka.

"Listen you little…", Asuka yelled angrily before being interrupted by Kensuke.

"Why don't we find someplace where we can sit and rest so we can dry off and figure things out?", said Kensuke.

"Good idea, let's go!", said Shinji.

A little bit later, they were all in a bar drinking sodas, still wet from the water. Shinji, Kensuke, and Touji were all sitting together, and Rei was a few seats down.

"Where's Asuka?", said Shinji.

"Probably in the bathroom drying off.", said Touji, "So do you have any ideas on what to do now?"

"I guess we can call NERV and tell them where we are.", said Shinji.

"Hey you guys, what kind of bar is this?", said Kensuke, "I've never seen one like it. What is this? A stage?"

His question was answered as a stripper walked out onto the stage and began dancing erotically. "A strip club!", said Shinji, "With strippers!"

Kensuke had his camera posed at the stripper and Touji was staring with his tongue hanging out.

"What kind of woman would do something like this?", said Shinji.

Asuka jumped out from behind the curtain wearing barely nothing. Shinji, Touji, and Kensuke screamed. "Now here's a traditional German dance always done at Oktoberfest!", said Asuka.

Shinji was still sitting motionless with shock, when he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was a naval officer.

The next day, they were all back in Tokyo-3. Asuka, Shinji, Misato, and PenPen were standing outside of their apartment. PenPen was wearing a badge of honor. "I hope you're happy with yourselves," said Misato.

"We're sorry," said Asuka, "I should have convinced Shinji not to do it."

"At least I didn't make a fool out of myself by…", said Shinji.

"It was all my fault!", said Asuka.

"I thought so.", said Misoto, "Now let's get some rest."

Misato opened the door to see 2 women wearing bathrobes. "PenPen, where were you? We were waiting here for you to get back forever!", said one of the women.

"PenPen!", yelled Misato angrily, as she chased PenPen down the hall.

* * *

The PenPen Chronicles, Episode 0:2: "For the Love of PenPen"

Written By Adam Friedman

and Jacob Jiswater

Email Me at: GodzillaXY

DISCLAIMER: Neon Genesis Evangelion and all of it's characters are owned by Gainax and not me. Thank you.

There are no spoilers in this episode, unless you haven't gotten up to Asuka joining the crew. This is Episode 2. When we last left off in Episode 1, PenPen had saved the day by defeating an Angel by piloting Unit 1. Shinji and Asuka have just returned home from an adventure led by Asuka to get to Oktoberfest, but leading up to a strip bar in New York City. Seele is mad at Dr. Ikari for letting a penguin pilot an EVA, so he lies and tells them that PenPen is the 4th child. Oh yeah, and Kaji is still trying to get laid.

"What the Hell did you just say?", yelled Misato into the phone. Dr. Ritsuko Akagi was on the other side of the phone call.

"I got a memo from Commander Ikari this morning. Seele is giving the Commander heat since PenPen piloted the last mission. To get rid of the heat Commander Ikari told them that PenPen is the 4th child, therefore we need to play along with it, including dressing him up and sending him to school." said Ritsuko.

"This is insane…We can't pass off PenPen as a person, he's a penguin, and I don't think he would want to go… He loves his social life too much. Do you know how many complaints we'd get from those women of his. And I don't think he'd like wearing clothes!"

To Misato's surprise, PenPen walked out his fridge in a pimp outfit with two girls in his arms. Misato cringes as she sees this. "PenPen, how the hell did you get those women in the fridge?", Misato asked. Penpen just gave Misato a wink that said that's my secret.

"Just tell PenPen to show up for school by 8:00 tomorrow, and bring an apple for the teacher!", said Ritsuko.

"We don't have any apples!", said Misato.

"I don't know, use your imagination. See you at NERV. Bye."

Misato hung up the phone. "PenPen, I have some news for you. You begin school tomorrow."

Penpen let out an angry squawk. The women looked at him in disgust. "We're leaving you, PenPen! We thought you were a man, and now we find you are nothing more than a schoolboy!", said the women, who preceded to storm into the fridge and come out with suitcases. Misato gave Penpen a confused look, and Penpen simply shrugged.

The next day at school, Shinji, Touji, and Kensuke were talking. "So what did you think of Asuka's dance at the strip club last night?", said Kensuke.

Next thing Kensuke knew, he had the wind punched out of him by a fuming Asuka who had been standing right behind him.

Hikari said, "What was he talking about?"

Asuka began sweating nervously, until Kensuke jumped in and said, "It was a dream I had last night, and boy oh boy it was a good one!"

Asuka punched him again. She then knelt down close to him and said, "If you ever do that again you will feel the wrath of Asuka!"

Kensuke sat up as she walked away. "What's up her butt today?", said Kensuke.

As the bell rang, all of the students faced forward. The teacher stood up and said, "We have a new student here today, but he's not here yet."

Suddenly, PenPen flew in on his rocket pack. He landed and slapped a fish down on the teachers desk. "Uhhh…", said the teacher, "Why don't you write your name on the board…"

PenPen turned on his rocket pack again and wrote unintelligible blabber on the board, then flew to his seat behind Shinji. Everyone gawked at the sight of their new classmate, to which PenPen responded with a squawk. The teacher walked up to PenPen and squinted. "Boy you are an ugly child," the teacher said, to which PenPen took out another fish and preceded to slap him on the face a few times. Then he ate the fish whole.

The teacher stood up, his face covered in fish. "That's it! Go to detention, PenPen, or whatever the hell your name is!"

PenPen stuck his tongue out at the teacher and flew off the detention.

Misato was using the NERV bathroom. She was sitting in a stall, when she heard a knock on the door. "Need any help in there?", the person said.

"What!?", she screamed, "Who is this!"

"Need any toilet paper? Do you want your toilet seat fluffed?"

"Since when do bathrooms have room service! Wait, Kaji, is this you?"

"But of course…not! Of course not! That's what I meant to say. So do you need any company in there?"

"Kaji get the hell out of here!"

Commander Ikari walked into the bathroom, unnoticed by Kaji.

"I love you! You are my love! Let me make love to you right here, right now! We are kindred spirits!"

Kaji looked behind him to see Commander Ikari with a confused look on his face. Ikari gave a half smile and then slowly walked out.

PenPen waddled into detention slowly. He was the only person in there, besides a very attractive detention supervisor. He sat down in a desk across from the teacher. The teacher, who was reading a magazine, looked up and saw PenPen staring at her. PenPen gave her a sly wink.

Back in the classroom, the teacher was discussing the second impact, when they heard a man scream in the hallway. It turned out it was the principal. He ran up to the classroom and pulled the teacher aside. "There's a bit of a situation in the detention room involving one of your students and the detention teacher…"

The teacher followed the principal to the detention room, to find the detention teacher and PenPen getting dressed. "What the hell!", screamed the teacher, "PenPen you dog!"

The bell rang for lunch. The teacher said, "Just get the dickens outta here! I need to have a discussion with the detention teacher."

"Goodbye Penny!", said the half naked detention teacher to PenPen as he left the room. PenPen turned around to blow a kiss, causing the detention teacher to give a satisfied sigh of happiness.

Misato was standing in the elevator. It stopped and Kaji got in. 'Oh great," she thought to herself.

"Hello beautiful," said Kaji, "Thinking of me?"

"In your dreams Kaji," said Misato.

"Want to do something wild?"

"Not if it's you."

"Come on, we're in the elevator. We're alone. Let's make love…"

Misato gave a sigh. She got a devious idea. "Oh all right," she said, playing along with him, "I just need to get ready first, stay here, and get undressed. I'll be back in 5 minutes."

"I'll be waiting," said Kaji as Misato left the elevator.

As the door closed, she thought to herself, "What a gullible idiot!"

Kaji undressed and waited. And waited. And then waited some more. About 20 minutes later, he finally saw the door opening so he stood in front of it with his arms stretched out. "Let's do it!", he proclaimed as the door opened.

Then he realized that Misato wasn't standing in the door, it was Commander Ikari with a confused grin on his face. "I'll take the next one," said Ikari shyly, and walked away quickly.

Back at school, it was lunch time. Shinji, Touji, Kensuke, and Asuka were sitting at a table by themselves. Everyone else was crowded around PenPen.

"What's it like being an Eva pilot, PenPen?", one girl asked.

"What do you look for in a girlfriend," another one asked.

"Can I have your autograph?", asked another, holding out a piece of paper and pen.

PenPen looked around at all of them and squawked. Everyone began laughing. "Oh PenPen, you're so funny!", said one of the girls.

Back at Shinji's table, Asuka was looking angrily at all the attention PenPen was getting.

"Looks like PenPen is getting pretty popular," said Shinji, looking at PenPen.

Asuka slapped him in the face. "Why do they all love him! Why aren't they paying attention to me! He's a penguin for crying out loud!"

"I guess Penpen is just nice to people," said Touji, "You should try it sometime…"

Penpen then squawked to get Asuka's attention, then tossed a fish at her. She held the fish up disgusted, then hit Touji with it several times.

Later on that day, the now 4 pilots were getting briefed on their new training mission. "We are going to have an indoor EVA training today.", said Misato, "We have a stadium prepared. Penpen, we got a new EVA shipped in today made exactly to your provisions. We are just going to practice basic maneuvers."

"Misato, why does Penpen get to be an EVA pilot?", said Asuka.

"Because while you were out strip dancing, he was fighting the angel."

"How'd you hear about that!"

"It doesn't matter how I got that disgusting video tape, this is not the time nor place to be discussing this. Now go get suited up, it's time to go."

Asuka thought to herself, 'Kensuke is dead!'

The EVA's were launched into a special training stadium built just for them. Penpen was using EVA unit ß, featuring a large beak, specially added on based on Penpen's request. The EVA's began jogging around the track for a warm up. Penpen showed off by running backwards while juggling three tanks.

'That show off!', thought Asuka, 'I'll show him!'

Unit 2 began running on it's hands, but fell on it's face.

"Better get more practice Asuka!", said Shinji.

Penpen proceeded to finish the laps with a triple backflip while still juggling the tanks. Unit 1 applauded. "Go Penpen!", said Shinji.

Asuka growled. She charged at Unit ß and tackled it to the ground. Unit ß kicked Unit 2 off it's body.

"Asuka, what are you doing!", yelled Misato.

"I don't know!", responded Asuka, "The EVA's gone out of control!" But in her mind, Asuka knew that she was lying. She was really attacking Penpen on purpose!

Unit 2 chased after Penpen, but Penpen was faster. Unit 2 did a slide kick to try and destabilize Penpen, but Penpen lept in the air and used Unit 2's head as a trampoline. Unit 1 ran in and tried to hold down Asuka, while Penpen backed down. Asuka threw Shinji to the side and rushed at Penpen. Penpen gave her a head butt to the Eva's center, throwing it to the wall of the stadium. While Unit 2 was stunned, Shinji tore out the power cord to Unit 2. With the rest of it's power, Unit 2 jumped from wall to wall, ending with a flying kick towards Penpen, who used an uppercut to throw Unit 2 through the stadium roof. It landed in a garbage pile as it's power died out. "Asuka, are you ok?", said Shinji.

"Yeah, I'm fine.", she replied.

Penpen squawked through the intercom, and ejected his entry plug. He got out with the teacher from detention. How she got in there, no one knows. What they did in there, nobody wants to know.

Later on, the pilots were sitting in the briefing room. Misato walked through the doors. "According to the tests, nothing went wrong with Unit 2. Asuka, can you explain your actions?"

"Well, I can't explain, but, but…", said Asuka, nervously.

"Do you know the price of the damage you've done is coming out of your allowance!"

"But you don't understand! Nobody understands!" Asuka ran out of the room crying.

Asuka was on the balcony crying. Penpen walked up to her. "What are you looking at?", Asuka said, "You know, you ruined my life!"

"Squawk!", said Penpen, "Squawk, Squawk Squawk Squawk Squawk, Squawk! Squawk Squawk Squawk Squawk, Squawk Squawk… Squawk…"

"That's beautiful…", said Asuka in response to Penpen's words of wisdom, "Do you really mean it?"

Penpen proceeded to slap a fish into her lap. She let out a tear of joy and gave him a hug.

At the other side of Tokyo-3, Kaji heard his doorbell ring. He answered it to see a drunken messenger boy holding a bunch of flowers. "Hic! Sir, I gotta message for you," said the messenger, in a drunken slur.

"What might that message say?", Kaji asked.

"It readsss I neva knew how ya feeled about me until today. Hic! When I saw how you acted and ssshowed ya love Hic!, it lifted my heart. I just want ya da know I feel da ssame waway mameet me at terminal dogma at Hic! midnight, signed, you know whoooo."

"Damn boy, you are drunk. Thanks for the message."

As he slammed the door on the delivery boy, Kaji jumped in the air and screamed, "Finally my Misato has come around, this is the happiest day of my life!".

Kaji preceded to put on a suit, grab a bottle of champagne and run out the door, because he wanted to get to terminal dogma on time.

When he got there, he saw candles lit all over the place. He smelt erotic incense and there was a bed set up in a corner. Kaji saw a shady figure in the corner and then said, "Hey baby I knew you'd come around, lets make sweet love." He then tore off his pants and stretched out onto the bed.

He then looked in horror as he saw the shadow belonged to Commander Ikari who was dressed in leather and holding a whip. Commander Ikari smiled at Kaji and simply said, "Prepare to have your senses shocked."

TO BE CONTINUED IN EPISODE 3!


	2. Chapter 2

The PenPen Chronicles, Episode 0:3: et tu, ?

By Adam Friedman

Email Me at GodzillaXY

DISCLAIMER! Neon Genesis Evangelion and all of it's characters are owned by Gainax and not me.

Authors Note: Everything that happens in this series is not supposed to be lined up exactly with the original series. I make up angels, false events, and sometimes stretch the limits of reality. So if you notice a mistake, for example in this episode Misato has access to terminal dogma, dont have a heart attack. I probably know about it already. I just dont feel as if everything in fan fiction has to line up exactly with the series, especially in a heavily humorous one as this. Of course, more serious fan fics that line up perfectly with the series are good too, its just that in this particular series that isnt the case. Thus, there are no spoilers in this series, unless you aren't up to Asuka joining the team yet. Anyway, when we last left off, Kaji was face to face with a horny, leather clad Ikari, who mistook Kaji's come-ons to Misato as come-ons to himself. Now, let's join back with Kaji in Episode 3.

"I think there's been a misunderstanding…", said Kaji, sweating frantically. Kaji was sitting up in bed as Dr. Ikari stood before him dressed in leather and holding a whip.

"I know. I didn't catch onto your signals fast enough.", said Dr. Ikari, "But I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I've come around."

"That's not what I meant…But I have nothing but respect for you."

"Oh yeah, keep up the dirty talk. Come on, say I'm your mama! Say it!"

"I have an important doctors appointment to go to early tomorrow, I gotta go."

"You don't have to. After all, I am a licensed proctologist…"

"You know, I really really need to go badly. Please?"

"Oh all right. I'll give you a raincheck."

Misato walked into the room to do some late night research, unnoticed by Kaji.

Kaji put on his pants. "Thank you, thank you so much.", he said to Ikari.

Misato dropped her papers. Kaji turned around to see Misato with her mouth hanging open widely. "Wait Misato! It isn't what it looks like!", Kaji said.

"So is tomorrow night good for you?", asked Ikari.

Misato walked out of the room quickly.

Asuka awoke in the morning to find PenPen sleeping in her bed. "Ahhhh!", she screamed, "Get out of my bed!"

PenPen ran out of Asuka's room followed by Asuka. "Don't ever do that again! You have your own room!"

Asuka opened up the fridge to be bombarded with a ton of fish.

Penpen jumped on top of the pile of fish which was covering Asuka, opened the main fridge, and pulled out a beer. He opened the can and took a large gulp, finishing it with a satisfied squawk. Asuka found her way out of the fish pile and yelled, "I've had it up to here with you, you mangy bird!"

Shinji appeared out of his room. "What's wrong?", he said, "I thought you two apologized to each other last night. What's all of this fighting about?"

"I woke up with Penpen next to me in bed!"

"Well he does have a way with women…"

"Shut up, third child! You'd have to be pretty desperate to want to have sex with Penpen!"

Penpen walked over to the mailbox and collected a huge pile of love letters. Penpen picked them up and walked into his fridge, before a shocked Asuka and Shinji.

The doorbell rang. Shinji opened it to find Touji and Kensuke. "Hey Shinji," said Kensuke, "Asuka isn't awake yet, is she?"

"I heard that!", yelled Asuka from the other room. She barged in and lifted Kensuke up by his collar.

"I know you gave Misato those videos of me from the strip bar!", yelled Asuka.

"I swear, Asuka, I did not give her the video!", said Kensuke.

"You little liar!", yelled Asuka.

"If you touch him, you have me to deal with!", said Touji.

Asuka kicked Touji in the testicles, causing him to keel over in pain. "Now talk before I do the same to you!"

Kaji walked up to the door. "Hello, is Misato in?", he asked.

Asuka dropped Kensuke. "Kaji!", she screamed in delight, "So, can we go out today? Huh? Please!"

"I came to see Misato," said Kaji.

"No, she never came home last night, very unreliable slut.", said Asuka.

"Well, if you see her, tell her I came by…", said Kaji sadly, "Actually, don't even bother."

Kaji hung his head low and left. "I wonder what's bothering him today," said Shinji.

Meanwhile, Misato and Ritsuko where in Ritsuko's apartment talking over a cup of coffee. "Thanks for letting me stay the night, Ritsuko," said Misato, "I don't want Kaji disturbing me at home."

"I don't think he would come. After what happened last night.", said Ritsuko.

"Do you think it was me?", asked Misato, "Do you think I drove him to it?"

"Only he can answer that. Ah, it's 8:00. Time for breakfast. Kitty roll call!"

A line of about 20 cats came out of their beds and lined up on the kitchen counter. In order, they each gave a meow to show that they were present. " , where are you? I didn't hear your meow.", said Ritsuko.

was in his bed, sleeping. " ! Wake up", yelled Ritsuko.

woke up and stretched, and took his time getting in line. Ritsuko walked down the line and put a bowl of cat food in front of each cat. She then returned to the table with Misato. "You have way too many cats," said Misato.

"Better than a penguin."

"Penpen is like a member of the family."

"At least my cats don't have orgies in the Jacuzzi!"

"That's because they're spayed!"

"Speaking of which, maybe that's what you should do to Kaji."

They both began laughing. As they were laughing, a small cloud of green dust crept up onto the counter and landed in cat food bowl.

At NERV meanwhile, Dr. Ikari was talking to Rei. "I've been getting very paranoid lately. I feel that Seele may be spying on us, trying to discover the truth behind the forth child," said Dr. Ikari, "They don't trust us and frankly I don't trust them. We must conceal the true identity of the forth child at all costs. If you see anything unusual report to me."

"Yes sir," said Rei.

"Oh yes," said Ikari, "If you see Kaji, listen to if he says anything about me. That's all."

Later at NERV, Misato was with the pilots in the briefing room. "Today we have a new pilot. He will be known as the fifth child.", said Misato.

"What?!", yelled Asuka, "Another one?! Are you crazy!"

"I have no control over this," said Misato, "Seele is forcing it onto us. They have been very bullish lately, and we need to satisfy their demands to cool down their suspicion of Penpen.", said Misato.

The door opened. A 50ish man wearing a school boy uniform walked in. "Hello…dudes….my name is Pops….what is up, that is, in reference to what may be of interest in your life, and not to the geographical location of the celestial bodies…man.", he said.

Misato stared at him blankly. "Who are you?", she asked confused.

"I am the fifth child.", he replied.

"How old is he?", whispered Asuka to Misato.

"I'm thirteen, honey.", he said.

"Ok…Pops…what is your last name?", said Misato.

"My last name? Um…let's see…I don't have one."

"You don't have one?"

"Lost it in the second impact."

"What kind of name is Pops for a thirteen year old boy anyway?"

"It's the kind of name you're supposed to grow into. And who is this lovely lady?"

Pops looked directly at Asuka and began to smile. Asuka looked nervous and began to sweat. "I'm going out with Shinji!", she said quickly.

"What?!", yelled Shinji.

"Quiet, idiot, I'm only pretending to be going out with you to avoid getting hit on by this weirdo.", whispered Asuka into Shinji's ear.

"Yeah that's right she's my girlfriend!," said Shinji, "Now shine my shoes til I see my reflection!"

Asuka began glaring angrily at Shinji, before going down on her knees to shine Shinji's shoes.

"That's better, bitch!", said Shinji, proud of his newfound power, "And when you're done, make me some waffles!"

Meanwhile, Ritsuko was working at her desk, when Kaji walked over. "Well, well, well. It's Dr. Ikari's employee of the month.", said Ritsuko.

"What Misato told you wasn't true,", said Kaji.

"So she didn't walk in on you and Dr. Ikari in centrel dogma last night?"

"Well that part was true. But she misinterpreted it. It wasn't what it looked like."

Kaji's cell phone rang. "Hello?", he responded into it, "Dr. Ikari, stop calling me while I'm at work. Wait, stop crying. I don't hate you. I didn't want to hurt your feelings. You want to meet me again tonight? I've been trying to explain to you that…"

Kaji stopped talking and put down his cell phone. "He hung up on me! I don't believe it!", said Kaji, annoyed.

"Well, boys will be boys…"

"Ritsuko, you don't understand! It's not like that! Please do me a favor and tell Misato that I'm still interested in her and that Ikari means nothing to me."

"Well…Ok, but you need to promise that you'll feed my cats for me tonight."

"Deal!", said Kaji, as Ritsuko left the room.

"Looks like I'm finally gettin' some pussy…", said Kaji to himself.

Later that day, Asuka, Shinji, Toji, and Kensuke were eating lunch together at school. PenPen was at his usual table, surrounded by girls.

"Hey baby, make me a sandwich!", said Shinji to Asuka.

"Listen you! I'm going to castrate you with a can opener if you don't…", screamed Asuka at Shinji.

"Whoa momma, you look sexy when you're angry," said Pops, who sat down next to Asuka.

"I mean, sure thing Shinji dear, anything for my boyfriend.", said Asuka blushing.

Kensuke and Toji dropped their sandwiches and stared at Shinji, who sat back smiling as Asuka was making him a sandwich. Shinji noticed their staring at him, and whispered to them, "Asuka doesn't want the new pilot Pops to make any moves on her, so she's pretending to be my girlfriend. And she knows that if she doesn't do everything I want, I'll dump her!"

"Ask her to give me a back massage," whispered Kensuke.

"Hey bitch! Give Kensuke here a back massage!", said Shinji.

"And make it snappy!", added Kensuke.

Asuka walked over to Kensuke and began giving him a back massage.

"Oh yeah, that's the stuff…", said Kensuke.

Misato was sitting at her desk reading papers when Ritsuke came in. "Hello Ritsuko. I've been researching this new Eva pilot. He seems very strange."

"How so?", said Ritsuko.

"I don't think there is a NERV base in Sri Lanka! And further more, there is no record of who his parents are."

"That's odd. Maybe it's just an error in the database. Remember the time it listed Ayanami as dead?"

"That wasn't a mistake! We really thought Ayanami was dead for a whole week until we noticed her blinking!"

"Or how about the time that Zak broke in and changed his grade to an A?"

"That was Saved by the Bell!"

"Oh yeah. Anyway, I'm going to have a late night working tonight. Do you think you can feed my cats for me?"

"Sure thing.", said Misato.

That night, Shinji, Kensuke, Toji, Penpen, and a few girls from class were back at Misato's apartment watching TV. Asuka came in and saw Penpen surrounded by girls. "Disgusting!", she said, "Shinji, you better stop pulling this horsecrap! It's really pissing me off!"

"At least it's distracting you from being pissed off at me!", said Kensuke.

"Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me!", said Asuka, "Now let me resume beating the crap out of you!"

"I swear Asuka, I didn't give Misato those videos! I don't know how she saw them!", said Kensuke.

"Stop bickering you two," said Toji, "Let's just watch a tape of last nights Japan's Funniest Home Videos."

Toji pressed play. A Japanese Bob Saget appeared on the screen, and said, "Hello, and welcome to Japan's funniest home videos! Today, we are giving out a billion yen to the person with the funniest video! Let's see the first video…"

The video began playing. A child was playing at the beach. The child was eating a lollipop. A seagull came over and took the lollipop. The child struggled with the seagull, until a flock of seagulls came and surrounded him, biting him as the child cried for his mother. One seagull tore off one of his toes, and the others followed, tearing him apart as he wailed away.

"Now isn't that hilarious!", yelled the enthusiastic host as the video ended, "Now our next video was sent to us by someone from Tokyo-3. It's entitled Shloktoberfest! Let's watch!"

The new video began playing. It was of Asuka in the strip club doing her german dance!

Toji and Shinji fell on the floor laughing. Kensuke gave a nervous grin at Asuka, who was boiling mad. She rushed at him with and began beating him over the head with a magazine, when they looked up at the screen.

"Looks like we have a winner!", said the TV host, "Kensuke from Tokyo-3, you have just won a billion yen!"

Kensuke yelled, "Hooray! I won! I won! I'm rich!"

"No, I'm rich!", said Asuka, "It was me in the video! It was me who was embarrased in front of all of Japan!"

"I took the video! I sent it in!", said Kensuke firmly.

Kensuke began wrestling with Asuka, when PenPen came between them. "Squawk! Squawk Squawk Squawk! Squawk Squawk Squawk, Squawk… Squawk", he squawked.

"PenPen's right," said Shinji, "You should spilt the money 50/50. It's only fair."

"Fine! But don't even think of doing something like that again!", said Asuka.

"Deal," said Kensuke, shaking hands with Asuka.

Misato walked up the stairs to Ritsuko's apartment. As she turned the key, she heard footsteps behind her. She turned around to see Kaji. "What are you doing here?!", they both said simultaneously.

"Ritsuko sent me to feed her cats," said Misato.

"Same here," said Kaji.

"So this is what she was up to."

"I want to talk to you about Commander Ikari."

"You don't have to explain."

"You don't understand. I didn't have sex with him."

"So you just fooled around…"

"I didn't touch him!"

"So he did all the touching."

"It's not important, all that matters is that I love you and I want to be with you til the end of time!"

"Shouldn't we feed the cats first?"

Misato opened the door, and looked in shock at the apartment. Furniture was thrown around and everything was ripped and torn. All of the cats were huddled in the corner.

"What happened here?", said Misato.

A loud growl came from the next room. "I think that's your answer!", said Kaji.

leaped out of the next room, breaking down the door. He was different though. He was about the size of an elephant and had glowing red skin. " ?", said Misato, shocked.

roared, and pounced at Misato, who was saved as Kaji pushed her out of the way. continued to jump through the wall, and fell to the ground level unharmed. Kaji ran to the window, to see running down the streets, gradually getting bigger. "He's getting bigger!", said Kaji.

"Call NERV!", said Misato, "We have ourselves an angel!"

TO BE CONTINUED!

* * *

The PenPen Chronicles

Episode 0:4: The Old Switcheroo

By Adam Friedman

Email Address: GodzillaXY

DISCLAIMER: Evangelion and all of it's characters are owned by Gainax and not me.

Last episode, we ended with Misato and Kagi discovering an angel in , Ritsuke's cat. When we left off, the angel was running down the streets of Tokyo-3.

The scene at NERV was hectic. Shinji, PenPen, and Rei were going into battle any minute now. Asuka and Pops sat in the corner. Asuka was obviously pissed that she didn't get picked to fight. Pops casually put his arm around her shoulder.

"Get off of me!" she yelled.

"I was just trying to comfort you!", he replied.

"Yeah right! I know you were just trying to put moves on me!"

"Fine, if my comforting you is making you uncomfortable, I'll stop."

They sat their silent. Pops reached over and grabbed her breasts. Asuka slapped him across the face. "I thought you said you would stop trying to comfort me?!", said an angry Asuka.

"I did! I wasn't trying to comfort you, I was just trying to feel you up! I'm a man of my word!"

"Everyone, please try to be careful! That is my cat you know," said Ritsuke into the intercom.

"Ritsuke, that thing is an angel! We need to destroy it at all costs!" said Misato.

"I know, but I can't help feel guilty. We shared so much together. He was like a best friend to me, always there to comfort me."

"You know, when me and Kagi say your apartment, we saw that he had smashed your glass cat collection…"

"That bastard!", said Ritsuko, who then preceded to pick up the intercom and say, "Kill that cat! Make it suffer the fury of a thousand deaths!"

The 3 EVA's blasted off. Once on top, they all picked up blasters. "I'll walk left, Rei, you take right, PenPen, go up the middle.", said Shinji to the other pilots.

The pilots walked down their paths, scanning the area visually for the angel. Suddenly, Unit 1 was pounced on by the 60 story tall , knocking the blaster away. They rolled around for a while, while Unit 0 struggled for control. Unit 1 ran up from behind and pulled off of Rei. gave a roar, and slashed at Unit 1 with it's claws. Unit 3 jumped onto 's shoulders and began playing it's head like a bongo drum. coiled back, and began running around, with Unit 3 riding on it like a bucking bronco. Eventually, it was thrown off and into the ground.

Meanwhile inside, Misato looked at the screen. " is tougher than we thought!," said Misato, "Send in Unit 2!".

was knocking Unit 3 and 1's heads together, when Unit 2 popped out of the underground tunnel and ran towards with a blaster. dropped unit's 1 and 3, and charged Unit 2, swallowing the blaster in one bite. It began coughing, as if choking on the blaster, and spit up a hairball. The hairball was glowing green, and shrank back to normal size. "Whatever made turn into an angel, must be in that hairball!", yelled Shinji.

Down on street level, the drunken delivery boy who had delivered Ikari's flowers to Kaji was wandering around on the streets, wasted beyond belief. "Fire me from the delivery service, huh? Well screw them! Hic! Cause ah gots ma saki!", he said, taking a swig of his saki.

He staggered over to the glowing hairball. "Now what's do we gots here…hic! Looks like a huge meatball! My favorite…mmboy, time ta dig in! Hic!"

He took a bite out of the hairball. "Now dats one spicy meatball!"

His skin began glowing red, and he began growing at a fast rate. "Dammit, man, this has gots ta be da best damn saki I've ever had! Hic!"

"Look! That wino is becoming the angel!", yelled Asuka.

The wino grew to the size of an eva, and staggered around a little bit.

"Destroy the target!," yelled Misato into the intercom, "It must be done!"

Unit 3 rushed towards the wino, but was smacked to the ground by his arms, which were moving around anonymously in all directions. Unit 1 ran up and tried to get him in an arm lock, but instead the wino just began waltzing with it, eventually throwing it on top of unit 3. Unit 2 ran up and gave him an uppercut in the gut. The wino began vomiting, and shrunk back to original size. Unit 2 slipped on the vomit and fell on top of units 1 and 3.

The wino looked around confused. He looked at the EVA's piled on top of each other next to him. "Whoa, man, Robotech! Awesome! Hic!", he said in his drunken slur, "Dude, covered in vomit am I! Must have been those funky ars meatballs! Hic! I still see chunks of them. Hey man, ya know wats they say, food tastes better da second time around!"

He scooped up vomit, and was about to eat it when a NERV armed unit ran up to him. "Put the vomit down!", they said.

"Hey man! Get yer own damn vomit!", he replied.

"We will shoot you!"

"Ok, ok, cool it, there's enough here for everybody! Just let me take a taste first…Hic!"

A NERV officer armed with a tranquilizer gun shot him several times in the chest. The other men in biohazard suits collected the specimen and carried it off in a special container.

"Excellant, we have the angel alive for study," said Misato in the control room, "Now let's eject the entry plugs!"

"There's a problem," said one of the technicians, "When the EVA's fell, they all fell on top of a huge flag pole. And it looks as if that flagpole pierced the entry plugs of all 3 EVA's!"

"Are they alive!"

"Yes, but the LCL is leaking, we need to act fast before any serious brain damage occurs."

"Send out people now, as soon as possible!"

PenPen awoke in a hospital bed. He looked at his wings and feet, and yelled out in Asuka's voice, "Ahhhhh! This has to be a bad dream!"

Asuka walked into the room and said in Shinji's voice, "PenPen, I'm so glad to see you! I see you looked confused, let me explain, me and Asuka somehow switched bodies during battle! Freaky, huh? Well, wanna know the strange thing? I sorta like having breasts!"

PenPen shouted back in Asuka's voice, "Shinji, you pig! You violated me! How could you!"

Asuka recoiled back and said as Shinji, "Asuka! You're PenPen!"

"Yeech, and don't even tell me about whatever sick things you did with my body!"

"If you're PenPen, and I'm you, who's me?"

Shinji stepped into the room, locking arms with 2 hot nurses. Asuka said as Shinji, "So I guess this explains it then…"

"Squak!", said Shinji.

"Oh Shinji, you really know how to make a woman hot," said one of the nurses, "And you are so good in bed too."

Misato stepped into the room and looked around. She said, "Shinji! I had no idea you had such a way with women!"

"Squawk!", said Shinji.

Misato gave Shinji a blank stare.

PenPen jumped in. "I can explain. We all switched bodies, I'm PenPen, Shinji's me, and PenPen's Shinji!"

"So that's what happened! During the battle, you all must have exchanged LCL!", said Misato.

"Can you please change us back as soon as possible! Shinji's being a pervert!", said PenPen.

"I'll see what I can do," said Misato, "Are there any other unusual things happening?"

"Yeah!", said PenPen, "Ayanami has switched personalities with a block of wood! But no one's noticed so, it doesn't matter."

Commander Ikari was watching all of this on his moniter. "Hmmm…", he thought as he was scratching his chin. He got up and walked into the hallway, where Kaji was waiting for an elevator. He ran towards Kaji and said, "Kaji! Oh Kaji darling! It's me, Misato! Me and Gendou switched bodies!"

"Yeah right," said Kaji, "People can't switch bodies, it's impossible!"

The elevator rang, and opened. Asuka was inside panting, and said in Shinji's voice, "Asuka's trying to kill me! She found out what I did with her brattwurst!"

The next elevator opened, and PenPen ran out and shouted at Asuka in Asuka's voice, "I'll get you, you little sicko!".

PenPen chased Asuka down the hall. Gendou smiled at Kaji. "It really is you!", said Kaji.

"Kiss me, sweety," said Gendou. They began to kiss, as the elevator opened again and Misato came out. "Kaji, what the hell are you doing!", she screamed.

Kaji turned around, saw Misato, turned back, and saw Gendou smiling at him.

The next day at school, Toji and Kensuke walked into class to see Shinji surrounded by dozens of girls. "What?!", yelled Toji, "Shinji, you casanova you!"

Asuka walked up to them and said as Shinji, "It's me Shinji, me, Asuka, and PenPen switched bodies during battle. I know this may seem funny to you, but please, please don't laugh."

Toji and Kensuke both burst out laughing hysterically. PenPen waddled over and said as Asuka, "Hey losers! What's so funny!"

They began to laugh even more. After the laughing cooled down, Kensuke took out 6 plane tickets. "So Asuka, or should I say PenPen, the tickets came in the mail today to go to Kyoto to collect our prize for Japan's Funniest Home Videos!"

"I can't be seen on TV like this! I'm a bird! And this is all your fault Shinji!", PenPen yelled.

Pops walked up to Asuka and said, "You're lookin' sexier than ever, honey. Whatdaya say we go fool around in the angel shelter?"

Asuka began to sweat, "Listen, I'm not Asuka really, I'm Shinji!"

"Shinji? You don't look like Shinji. Shinji is over there surrounded by girls. Say, wasn't Shinji your boyfriend? So I guess you're single again…"

PenPen fell on the floor laughing. Asuka kicked PenPen's rocket pack, which launched him through the window screaming.

Back at the lab, scientists carefully studied the glowing angel vomit. It was contained in a special inescapable unit. , a short scientist with tiny glasses and a beak like nose was writing the same equation over and over again on a chalkboard. Misato entered the lab wearing a lab coat and goggles. "So Dr. Zaxon, what have we discovered about the angel?"

"Ze unngeel es leek ay beochamikal soupstahnce zat ays varee varee paroone ta kra-ating es unngeel foor ze inzeveedool who eengeests eet!", Dr. Zaxon said.

"Uh, could you repeat that?", Misato said, not understanding a word of his accent.

Another scientist leaned over to her and whispered, "I know he doesn't speak english well, but don't insult him. He's from the old country."

"Which old country?"

"I don't really know."

"Hoo-eever," Dr. Zaxon continued, "Ve moost kap de ungeel undar coontral, far eet es steel leevang und es thrat ta ahl a ya!"

"He says the angels still living, and it's a threat to all of us.", said the other scientist.

There was a knock on the door. Misato opened it an the drunken messenger boy came in.

"How the hell did you get past security!", Misato said.

"I just gots one question. Hic! Can ah gets ma vomit back?", he said in his drunken slur.

"No, you can't! Your vomits an angel!"

"An angel! Whoa man, I don't remember eatin that! But then again, I don't remember annything at all really after drinking all dat Saki! Hic!"

TO BE CONTINUED!


End file.
